Is There A Prescription For That?

Hi, my name is Natalie, and I’m a horrific procrastinator.

Also, I have problems self-motivating (don’t tell my resume that, it’ll have an identity crisis).

I have owned a shiny new gym membership for the past 30 days and have yet to set foot inside said gym, nor have I managed to return to the studio for classes since Halloween.  I owe my grandparents Thank You cards from Christmas and, yes, I still owe some people wedding and baby-birthday Thank You cards as well.  There’s a stack of laundry that’s mostly clean on the chair in our room, and I’m pretty sure Bryce’s room has two hampers in it – one that’s clean and one that’s not.  I have an entire empty wall of massive emptiness that I swore I was going to paint something for about three months ago…and speaking of paintings!  There’s one that I gridded and prepped and got no further on…roughly six months ago.

I think there’s a baby running around here who probably could do with feeding, I guess.  (kidding)

Actually, the kid thing I’m pretty ok at.

The rest of it…

I start with the best of intentions.  Brian and I had planned a New Years plan (because I hate the word “resolution” almost as much as I hate the word “alliance”) of sorts.  We were beginning “Project Awesome” – a two sided quest to both be healthy physically, and perhaps physically ridiculously good looking.  Hahaha, that sounds awful.

Some context may help matters.  We both (me) would love to be a bit healthier when it comes to what we eat and drink.  So far, he’s gone 10 days without soda and french fries.  That’s a huge start!  Me, well, I’m…I dunno.  I’ve broken my habit of having a beer or two at work after every shift, and that has to count for something.  I could do better.  The physical side of things…I feel like there’s no tactful way of saying things that relate to size and body shape and all that.  Both of us maintain a reasonable shape with minimal effort (by “effort”, I mean exercise.  I ABSOLUTELY have to put effort into watching what I consume).  When we DO put in effort, we tend to get results quite quickly.  At the end of last year, we were joking around and I quite seriously presented the notion of a “what would happen if we actually tried?” sort of fitness quest.  I’m honestly curious what would happen if we consistently hit the gym, and worked out there too!

I figure now is a good starting point.  He’s the weight he likes to be (180 at 6’1″), all but being less ten pounds of muscle or so.  I’m the size I was at my smallest in 2006/2007, which is about where I’d like to be with about ten pounds max to lose, and no I’m not sharing my weight – for some, including myself, reading what women weigh and what they consume is a nauseating trigger.  The point of this is, we’re at a good baseline.  And still…

The motivation is crap.

And that Thank You card thing…I’ll be honest, I panic when I think about them.  I did back then, I do now.  I’m quite aware that it’s a horrific faux pas to have let this much time pass.  The reasons as to why (besides the crap procrastinator I happen to be at times) are probably more personal that I’d go in to here, and however legitimate they may be it doesn’t excuse it.  Nor does it reflect my gratefulness.  I’ve valued every single thing we have been gifted, whether it be wedding related or Bryce related, and yet that gratitude still can’t motivate me to write a card.  Or 27.

I hate this, to be honest.  I hate this inability to complete things that other people seem to manage just fine.  Between the baby and work and husband, I tend to have a fully occupied mind that can’t juggle much more than the day-to-day, and sometimes even THAT is pushing it (read: laundry, etc.).  The moms that manage multiple children, work, cooking, cleaning, husbandry of husbands, and maintain a social life in addition to all that – I’m pretty sure you’ll all either gifted with some sort of genetic code I wasn’t or you’re all massively medicated.  Or both.  Or neither, and I’m being a jerk.

Perhaps I was gifted with the mental capacity to juggle a dozen trains of thought at a time, but I sure didn’t get the synapses to activate the physical manifestation of such intended effort.  Anyone else identify?  Obviously, I don’t fall on the far end of the spectrum where I can accomplish nothing.  I do know that there’ve been times in my life where this wasn’t so bad.  But, I also don’t fall on the end of the spectrum that some would label “accomplished”.

Is there a prescription for that?

I hear coke’s great for this sort of thing, but I’m not willing to go there just yet.

I’d just like to know how most people go from thought or intention into action with relative seamlessness, because I could sure use a lesson or two or four.

 

 

I’m Talking To YOU (But Mostly, Me.)

First of all, I’ll admit that I’ve been and still can be guilty of what follows just as much as any other individual.  Second, when I use terms like “Dodger Fans” and “Christians”, I use them as broad sweeping statements and I’m aware that people who identify themselves by these monikers don’t necessarily fall into the generalization that such statements imply.  That said.

I want to talk about God, sort of.

There are two conversations that play into why I would need to begin with a preface.  One of them occurred several months ago between Brian and I.  We were talking about God and the Church and I’m not sure what the segue was, but Brian said the following…

“You know, how I feel about God is kind of like how I feel about the Dodgers.”

I think I gave some sort of “Huh?” response, and he continued.

“Well, in theory, the Dodgers are great.  I love their history and what they’ve done for baseball.  I love what the team used to stand for.  What I can’t stand is the fans.”

Of course there was clarification as to what he meant by fans, something I was familiar with, as in the kind of people who become violent against anyone not wearing Dodger blue in the vicinity of their stadium and the kind of people who’ll, I dunno, STAB someone or beat the crap out of them for not being fellow Dodger fans.  Those.

“No matter how much I may want to love the Dodgers, I mean, they’re a southern California team, I just can’t because of the fans.  So when it comes to God…it’s the fans.”

By “Fans”, he means “Christians”.  And by “Christians” he means the ones who’ll hold a Bible in one hand and metaphorically stab their fellow believer, or any passerby who doesn’t agree, with the other.

I have a really hard time arguing with him on this one.  He makes a good point.

The second conversation was really more of an interaction that happened this past sunday while in the children’s parking lot of ROCKHarbor.  For those who aren’t familiar, there are designated parking lots that are remarkably closer than others intended for use by families with kids under a certain age.  The idea being it’s easier and safer to get kids from cars to buildings if the distance to be traveled is minimized.  Makes sense, right?  Well, what doesn’t make sense is when fellow church goers decide to appoint themselves parking lot attendants and enforcers…especially when their facts aren’t so straight.

This past Sunday morning, I had just reverse parked into a spot in one of these said designated parking lots.  I don’t really drive the RH typical SUV or minivan or alternately acceptable BMW or Mercedes.  Nope, I drive a 1998 two-door Chevy with a questionable paint job.  I had just parked and shut off the engine when a lady (mom in a SUV…we’ll call her MIS) stopped her car directly in front of mine and rolled down her window.  I went to community college, so I’m pretty familiar with some forms of parking lot etiquette, and one of them is to acknowledge another motorist and inform them of your intent to depart or remain.  I figured this MIS would be inquiring my intent, though I did honestly wonder why – we had clearly JUST parked.  Instead, after a few moments of really nasty glaring on her part, this is what followed:

“You know, this is the CHILDREN’S parking lot!!!”, she said with such anger and (she thought) righteous anger.

Clearly, MIS had observed my sup-par vehicle and lack of obvious evidence of a child-like-creature, and had reacted…I would say accordingly, but the way she acted wasn’t really in keeping with the circumstances, so I’ll just say she “reacted”.  There are many number of things that ran through my head as retorts, but most of them stuttered because they get nervous in confrontation.  What managed to escape my mouth with mild hesitation, though lacking stutter was, “That’s probably why we have a baby in the back seat.”

Yeah, I could have been kinder.  I also could not have.

What I couldn’t do was fathom why in the world this MIS felt it appropriate to police the CHURCH parking lot.  Obviously, she didn’t see the baby in the back seat and just assumed we were a couple young(ish) people looking for close parking.  As it turns out, we have 1.25 year-old that happened to be with us and in her car seat.  What she probably didn’t stop to consider was the likelihood that someone who parks in the supposed “wrong” location may well be new to the church…and the further likelihood that such a new individual treated in such a rude manner likely wouldn’t remain at the church for much longer.  In fact, if I’d been a new person, I probably would have left.

As it turns out, I’m not new.  Also, I wasn’t in the wrong.  But what I was, from that moment on, was slightly askew.  There’s something about being treated in such an abrupt and surprising way that throws you slightly off kilter.  Bummer is, I WAS with someone who is sort of new-ish to the Church.

Brian.

I bring up these two instances as the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.  They are two examples among many of ways that the Church has done its self, and far more importantly God, a massive disservice.  Yes, a whole can not be judged by only some of its parts and similarly the Source can’t necessarily be judged by its representatives.  That argument holds much more water when you already know the Source.  If you don’t, well…it’s just bad advertising.

And honestly, I’m running out of excuses for them.

It is very hard to speak of a God of love, acceptance, and grace when His people demonstrate nothing of the sort.  We are obviously talking about humans and they are inherently human, but come on, people.  It honestly drives me batty watching people talk about their “ministry” and going to conferences and handing out tracts and getting all crazy about Tebow when they are, in and of themselves, horrific ambassadors for anyone who doesn’t call themselves “Christians”.  Lets face it, your classes and qualifications and “knowledge” mean very little if it doesn’t translate into real evidence of said [insert Christianese word for classes, qualifications, and "knowledge" here] amongst those who don’t believe in God.  If you can only speak Christianese (which is totally a Christianese word) that’s not much help because the only ones you’ll have much relevance to are “Christians”, and I’m pretty sure they’re already on the same team.

Frances Chan spoke at our church not too long ago, and though I may not agree with everything he teaches, there was something he said that day which really resounded with me.  I’m paraphrasing:

“Christians, stop being weird.  STOP.  IT.  You go into work and say you’re “persecuted” and people don’t like you because you’re a Christian.  No, people don’t like you because you’re weird.  Stop being WEIRD.”

What he meant is something I can so very much relate to.  As someone who’s been raised in the church, I’ve honestly seldom felt a part of it.  There’s always been the core groups of “spiritual” people who pray in public for each other and talk God-speak like it’s their only language and who only listen to contemporary christian music and who’s girls wear jeans, sweaters, and tennis shoes.  (broad sweeping statements and generalizations, I know.)  I’ve not really been a part of that group.  Regardless of what the state of my relationship with God was, I’ve never really fit in with those.

He continued with, “If you’re invited to your co-workers parties, go to their parties!  Just because you’re there doesn’t mean you have to get drunk, do drugs, or have sex if that’s what’s going on.  Go there and be yourself.  Be friends with these people.”

He then went on to relay a story where he was in a hot tub one night at such a party and a girl in a bikini holding a beer said “baptise me, Frances!”.  Perhaps her true conviction was lacking, but the point is he was a relatable human being.  He was normal, he just happened to love Jesus and not let anything that was negative make him waiver.  He was un-weird.

I prefer to be un-weird.

Please don’t misunderstand my point.  I am not saying that all of the above classes, knowledge, christianese, prayer, God-speak, and Tebow love aren’t great.  They are!  My point is simply that if you are so focused on something that can only translate to those who already believe in God, you are limiting yourself, and by proxy, potentially limiting what God could do with those around you who DON’T believe in God.

To boil it down to my main point:

If you believe in a God who is Love, then that love means so many things that should radically change who you are with EVERYONE, not just those who agree with you.  If you’re convicted that He is who He says He is and all that entails – because lets face it, it’s kind of a package deal – then that should translate to a change in behavior and heart, rather than an added “spiritual resume” that only the church folk are going to care about.  No one outside of the church cares if you’ve attended every seminar your church has provided or if you’ve been through special training.

They care if you love.
They care if you’re joyful.
They care if you spread peace.
They care if you’re patient.
They care if you’re kind.
They care if you’re a good person.
They care if you’re faithful, both to what you believe and to those around you.
They care if you’re gentle.
They care if you’re self-controlled.

Maybe it’s too tall an order for someone to walk the line of representing Christ without repelling anyone who doesn’t agree with and conform to them on the spot.  Somehow, I don’t think it is.

Like I said, I’m running out of excuses for the Church community at large because there is such a huge contradiction between what they’re preaching and what they’re actions are saying.  It’s really hard to tell someone that God loves them when His people don’t show it.

I’m one person.  I’m aware of how I’ve not exactly lived this out.  It is hard for me to watch the Christian community and how, by and large, they seem to be gradually getting battier.  It doesn’t help to have prominent politicians who’s theology is spotty and who’s character is questionable.  It doesn’t help to have churches protesting funerals of servicemen and women in the name of god.  Heck, even Tebow isn’t helping anymore…because the church went all crazy and started reading into the fact that he ran 316 yards in a playoff game for the win, and somehow inserted a colon where they wanted it to mean what they wanted it to mean.  And when they did that, they got the eye roll from many.

Why can’t we just let a man who’s ACTUALLY living out his faith, live out his faith.  He was doing way better than most of us.  We’re not helping.

I’m just saying.

This is all just a piece of my opinion, and I’m sure most of it hasn’t come across as intended.  My point is, why can’t we start being an un-weird group of loving, caring, honest people who’ll talk about God if the subject comes up, but who aren’t going to shove a tract in your hand just because we want to.  I can’t see anything wrong with “Preaching the gospel at all times and when necessary use words” (St. Francis Of Assisi.  Cool dude.).  Much better advertising, I think.